Ages 6 to 9
Vivi and the emotion thermometer
Measuring how you feel to know what to do
Clínica Vivaldi
Vivi is now eight years old, and she's discovered something: emotions have size.
They can be small, medium, or huge. To measure them, use a thermometer that goes from 1 to 10.
The thermometer has three sections. With the emotion on alert, the body accelerates and it's hard to think. That's why the first thing to do is always to get down.
There's a game on Saturday. Vivi's team loses 3-1, and Tilo laughs at the goal she missed.
I saw the hot face and the clenched fists.: an 8.
With an 8 you don't think straight, so Vivi steps aside for a moment.
She breathes in counting to 4 and breathes out counting to 6. Five times. Now she's at a 5.
For the adult: Breathing out more slowly than you take in helps your body to calm down.
At a 5 she can talk: "It upset me that you laughed. I felt silly."
Tilo didn't know he had hurt her. "I'm sorry. You missed, but you ran so much."
There's a math test on Monday. Vivi has a lump in her stomach and thinks: I'm going to suspend insurance.
Nerves: a 7.
Vivi knows that thoughts don't always tell the truth. She asks herself: "What evidence do I have? What would I tell a friend?"
And he changes it: I studied. He can go out regularly, and it's okay.
For the adult: Help him to look for evidence for and against, without arguing about his feelings.
Her grandmother's moving to another city.: a 6. She doesn't feel like playing.
She writes him a letter and they agree to video call on Sundays.
This is Vivi's plan. For step 4, you can breathe, move, step away for a moment, talk to someone or find a solution to the problem.
Your thermometer
Draw your own thermometer from 1 to 10 and think:
What things put you on an 8?
How do you feel on the body? Hot, knot in the stomach, crying, clenched fists?
What helps you get down to a 3?
Who can you turn to for help when you're so high up?
You can put your thermometer in the fridge or in your room to use every day.
For adults
Between the ages of six and nine, children are already able to observe their emotions, measure them, and choose what to do, especially if they practice often with an adult.
Use a scale together. Asking "on a scale of 1 to 10?" helps to distinguish a small anger from a large one.
With emotion on the alert, not reason. First the help down, then the conversation.
Separate thoughts from facts. Ask him what evidence he has, without taking away the reason for his feelings.
Solve problems together: What happened, what options are there, and which ones we tested.
See a professional if the sadness, worry or anger is very intense, lasts for weeks or affects your school, sleep or friendships.
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