Ages 9 to 12
Vivi and mixed emotions
When you feel two things at once
Clínica Vivaldi
Vivi is eleven. Things aren't as simple as they used to be.
Sometimes you feel two emotions at once. And sometimes you don't even know how you feel.
His family is moving to another city. Vivi's excited about the new house and sad about leaving Tilo.
Both things are true at the same time. You can be happy and sad at the same time.
First day at the new school, she drops her tray in the dining room.
Vivi's face is burning: it's the embarrassment. She thinks they'll be laughing at her for months.
The next day, no one remembers. A classmate even asks if she wants to sit with her.
Vivi discovers that shame screams a lot, but it doesn't last long. Each person is more concerned with himself than with others.
At night, she sees a picture of her old friends on her cell phone on a birthday. She hasn't been invited.
She feels a pang: sadness, jealousy and a bit of anger, all at once.
The more you look at the picture, the worse you feel. So leave the phone out of the room.
The next day he asks one of them. It was a cousin-only party. On the networks, you only see a piece of the story.
For the adult: The screens outside the bedroom help you sleep and not ruminate at night.
Sometimes his mind tells him stories: No one likes me.
Vivi has learned to say: I'm having the thought that... A thought is not a fact.
When she was wrong, Vivi would say to herself, "I'm a disaster".
Now she wonders, "What would I say to a friend?" And she tells herself that.
Some emotions are too heavy to carry alone. Vivi's talking to her mother and her tutor.
Asking for help is not for the weak. It's a way to take care of yourself.
Your toolbox
Name it, Even if it's two emotions at once: I'm excited and nervous.
Measure it From 1 to 10. If you're at 7 or above, go down first.
Breathe: breathe in counting to 4 and breathe out counting to 6.
Move: walk, jump or do some sport.
Write it down in a notebook. It helps sort out your head.
Put your phone aside When it makes you feel worse, and always at night.
Talk to someone you trust.
For adults
Between the ages of nine and twelve, more complex emotions appear: mixed ones, social ones such as embarrassment or jealousy, and ones linked to friendships and screens.
Listen more than you talk. A lot of conversations happen in the car, cooking or walking.
Validate mixed feelings. It makes sense to be happy and sad at the same time.
Agree on screen rules They also meet adults, and cell phones outside the bedroom at night.
Teach them to question thoughts, without discounting the importance of what you feel.
See a professional if you notice sadness or irritability lasting weeks, withdrawal, big changes in sleep or eating, or if they talk about hurting themselves. In that case, get help that same day: in Spain, the 024 line also supports families, and in an emergency, call 112.
Clínica Vivaldi · Psychology, psychiatry and nutrition · Calle Chiva 25, door 5, 46018 Valencia · Online across Spain · +34 611 07 74 69 · clinicavivaldi.com